In Honour of Barney ~ I am Connected and Ready to Transform...

Aum Namah Shivaya


Namaste 

♥ I write this heartfelt blog to share from my heart...

Last day... look of Love 

Ten days ago My beloved cat, Cat Barney died...I've written about him before as he has given me inspiration for many themes. As I dont have children he was my companion for a very important time in my life. Last year I wrote a blog on the The Sweetness of Life when Barney was diagnosed with diabetes...

I wanted to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for all the cards, texts, emails, flowers and words of compassion that has been expressed at this sad time since Barney's passing. I have always been concerned that YogaRelax  isn't this conventional studio, open to the walk in public, is in my home, with my sofas there and worried about Barney, coming in and out at his own leisure, yet I've come to realise this week, how utterly special and unique all my clients have made the hOMe of Yoga and it truly is a cOMmUNITY ~ so thank you...  

this blog is about Barney's passing and how I have used my yoga practices to help me through this period...

 At heart I am vulnerable, sensitive and retreat into my cancerian shell.. and although I stand in front of  classes teaching, inspiring, week after week I too seek this in front of my teachers... One of my teachers wrote recently, "it is the role of a teacher is to serve to awaken the student" I feel we are all teachers and all students in our own lives, within our own story of life. I look for symbology, meaning within my areas of life, not in an analytical way but it helps me evolve and I use this in my yoga. Yoga brings the mirror up for you to see beyond, if you seek... I often find that what I am going through the people before me are mirroring that back to me. Much of the themes I choose are truly relevant to my life at that time. the myths of Yoga may be 1000s of years old, maybe not be true,  but they reveal a hidden truth and although ancient, they are so relevant for the modern day...


♥ I wanted to share my experience, my present story with 

Barney meditating on Shiva

you, for you to see how I use Yoga. Barney was with me through probably my hardest years of my life, a true companion, always there to give me a hug and he literally did, often coming up to me wrapping both his paws around my neck and playing with me hair. As my yoga journey deepened, my yogic cat pulled me out of my shell, Yoga began to cleanse me, purify me, challenge me to go to my edge and see if i'd retreat into my shell or come out and explore... yoga lit up the darkest of my years and from that dark space (and i was truly in my shell for a long time) I came to see, feel and share the light within my heart. For years I had to dig deep as I came to know myself more fully, I was disconnected from my own divinity, or I just didn't believe it or truly appreciate how everything is interconnected. And the one blessing in those dark times of feeling so very lonely, Barney was there to always welcome me with his loud meow. Through him I saw the light, he gave unconditionally and taught me that ~ I gave wholeheartedly to him and to others, the shell of my understanding slowly softened. When I'd practice yoga he would lie near me in savasana, what cat doesn't do a great savasana, he always came and sat with me in my early morning meditations and L.O.V.E.D mantras, whenever I chanted he was there. this picture I like to think of him reading the book on Shiva (hehe) so through his companionship I didn't feel so alone. Through his companionship, i continued to dig deeper with Yoga and face my challenges on and off the mat...

♥  so this week I had to let him go, he had gotten ill (non diabetes related) and declined very quickly, so as he passed it was the day I was to introduce the element of fire in our element series...this was the day I was sending my beloved Barney for cremation...couldn't get anymore of a mirror than that! Fire is about transformation and being connected... to yourself, to a higher source, the light of consciousness. I had spent the weekend before Barney's death, chanting at Kirtan and going to the Shiva temple for Maha Shivaratri and I had also done pujas (chanting. offerings, meditations) at my home where Barney was sat in my lap for the last one for 30 minutes (lately he hardly ever did that for that amount of time). Shiva is the deity that truly brings me to my source, my centre, my true limitless nature, he is know as the transformer, or the destroyer, he destroys to create again in the cyclic pattern of life. Shiva means auspicious one and he is a yogi, a meditator, a dancer, a lover a full rounded man! it was as if Shiva was bathing him to pass and me also as protection and revealing to me that through this action of letting go, transformation is revealed... For me, my faith through my yoga practice is strongly held around Shiva, my shakti is stronger than ever and although this is a very dark experience, I feel truly held, the love in my heart is light, I feel utterly connected and that is with immense gratitude to  Yoga and my adorable Yogic cat Barney... over the Maha Shivaratri weekend when Barney decline for the second time,  I sensed and it was revealed to me ... cancer... when I visited the vets she said there was something wrong with his liver.... I knew, the next 24 hours I felt such loss like i've never experienced, yet felt held in the arms of Grace, I felt connected... 

Barney meditating at our alter

♥  Through this transformational Shiva weekend, my story took on a new chapter. I don't understand as yet what the transformation will be, but I feel truly connected, to Shiva, to Shakti (power of the universe that pulsates though al life) to love. I owe all of this to Yoga, not the physical asanas, they opened me up to reveal more, they push me to go beyond my boundaries, to come out of my shell... As i explore the myths and stories of yoga how they relate to me, they give me strength in the pose and then in my life.  the transformation I can visibly see, is I have more inner strength, this cancerian crab came out of her shell through love of yoga and finally let go of her pincers...  I gave Barney all the love he gave me over the years as a great companion and the highest gift I could give him was to let him go, release his pain and suffering... I had Shiva song playing as he passed and chanted peace prayers in his ear and stroked his third eye, in my most vulnerable moment I came out of my shell and truly in a dark hour it was luminous, the vet said the energy was beautiful in my home and she talked to me about reincarnation, she probably had never experienced this before and I know Yoga would've touched her too.  

my mission statement for my business =  I light a path for healing and transformation. so you see on this week on the fire element theme my mission statement is relevant for me, even though i was thinking of people I would encounter... 

So I began to start the theme of Fire, sub title I am connected and ready to transform ~ every person who came to the studio that week, expressed their sorrow, for Barney had left an impression, his spirit touched them at the end of class, when he'd flirt, he always knew it was approaching 9pm and he come in for savasana on my mat, for the group cOMmUNITY... the Fire element held me further.....Truly I feel these practices rekindled my flame, bought warmth from inside to cradle me as I deal with my grieving... The yoga practcie was centred around twists, which have helped me let go and allowed the light within my heart to glow brighter... Ever grateful to Yoga & to the radiant souls who cOMe to YogaRelax n light up the room ❤️

 I hope as you read a little of my story that you see it's ok to embrace all our many facets, all darkness lets you remember the light, sadness is where the joy came from, sour turns sweet, rain turns to sun, dissolution gives birth to new creation.... I like to think of them as facets of a diamond that if you allow reflects the luminous light within. Yoga polishes that diamond on a daily basis... Yoga changes the story you tell yourself, the next 6 months for me is very much about a new chapter in my own story and I hope to reveal more to you on my Urban Weeken Yoga Retreat, maybe I will be able to share what the transformation is...

♥ Thank you for taking the time to read, thank you for being a wonderful seeking spirit, who's path crossed mine. 

all love n light
Aum Namah Shivaya
Michelle x